EMPATHETIC COMMUNICATION
I’m not sure if there’s a gene that makes you predisposed to be good at math. But if there’s one, I don’t have it. Neither do my two sisters. Ironically, our dad is an accountant. So we got our smarts, and our looks, from our mother. Thank God we did. I don’t know where I was going with this now but the point is, I suck at math.
I used to dread math classes and my grades reflected that fear. The few classes I enjoyed, or tolerated, were in 12th grade. For the longest time, I couldn’t put a finger on what made 12th-grade math bearable. In retrospect, I think it was the teacher.
Mr. Mbouya had tremendous passion for his work and was generous with his time, but what really set him apart was that he never lost touch with his beginner’s mind. He had an amazing ability to teach and relate to those of us with a math-gene deficiency. Unlike all the math teachers I had before him, he taught with so much empathy.
Most experts take for granted the intuition that comes with mastery. Math teachers routinely skip many of the steps required to solve an equation, for example. Although the bright students can figure out how the teacher went from step 2 to 5, the rest of us are usually left scratching our heads.
Empathetic communicators understand that sharing information is like humming a song. When we hum, the melody is simultaneously playing in our heads, which gives us the illusion of a perfect rendition. We forget that other people don’t have the same melody playing in their heads. We are shocked to find out that they have no idea what song we are supposedly humming, because we lack empathy to recognize that all they got was a weird noise coming from our mouths.
Similarly, communication is a process of co-creation. There is a gap between what we mean and the words coming out of our mouths. With enough empathy, we can close that gap and make it easier for the listener to decode the message.
Here are five things you can do to communicate a little more like Mr. Mbouya.
1. Strive for simplicity
The trademark of all empathetic communication is simplicity. Once we stop assuming that people understand what we mean, we begin to take great care to not further complicate an already complex process.
2. Use a lot of examples
Examples are powerful. They create a clear picture in our minds, which often enables people to fill in the gaps in theirs. So get in the habit of following your statements with the phrase, for example.
3. Build mental bridges
A mental bridge is any tool that helps close the gap between new information and something people already know or are familiar with. Metaphors and comparisons are great tools, for example.
4. Leverage the power of storytelling
Stories are powerful because they activate multiple parts of our brains. And the more areas of our brain we recruit to decipher and store information, the easier it is to understand and recall the information.
5. Don’t be afraid to repeat yourself
When we communicate with empathy, we recognize the need to repeat ourselves often to make things a bit clearer each time for our audience. Overtime, repetition enables people to internalize the information.
I started this newsletter telling you about a 12th grade math teacher that had a lasting impression on me. And ultimately, that is the real power of empathetic communication.